I Saw Dolly Kissing Santa Claus

Remember when you were a kid and your parents took you to a mall or department store to have your picture taken with Santa?  I HATED that.  The chubby guy with the fake beard and his “elves” behind a polaroid camera who would make faces at you so you’d smile through your tears to get that great “keepsake” photo that always cost ten times more than it was worth.


My dislike for department store Santas stayed with me for years.   I avoided it whenever possible.   But then a bizarre thing happened when I “came of age”, college-age that is.  I discovered that Santa was packing a lot more under that “bowl of jolly” than a pillow or a beer gut.  He was packing WOOD!


Here’s what happened.  I can’t believe I’m actually telling this story after all these years.  Hopefully “Santa” won’t read it and try to come down my chimney (hmmmm …. actually maybe not a bad idea.’)


I was 19 …. home from my first semester of college for the holidays and in DESPERATE need of a seasonal job to earn some extra cash.  Two girlfriends of mine were in the same situation so we blitzed the local mall … filling out job applications everywhere from shoe stores to those ridiculous red, white and blue places that sell corn dogs and lemonade.


While we were walking through the mall, we saw a huge line where parents were all lined up with their kids, and there HE was.  Yet another “Santa for Hire.”  But one of my girlfriends dropped a bombshell on me.  “Have you heard about him?”  “No,” I said.  “What are you talking about?”   “He’s not as old as he looks, the beard is fake and so is his belly.”   “So what’s the big deal,” I asked?  My friend did not mince words, “Word is that any hot teenage girl that sits in his lap gets a lot more than her picture taken.”


I had no idea what she was talking about so she filled in the details.  “Last week, Patrice (one of our other friends from school) came to the mall and for a joke had her picture taken sitting on his knee.  She just happened to be wearing a really hot outfit … short skirt, knee-highs, the whole school-girl thing.  And when she sat on his lap …well, she felt IT.”  We looked at her in disbelief.  “IT?”   “WOOD dammit.  Patrice said he had a hard-on as big as a horse, or a reindeer, or whatever.”   We all just howled, figuring she made it all up, but then she went on, “And when he asked her if she’d been naughty or nice?   She said coyly, well, honestly, a little bit of both.  And zingo … right under her leg she felt it get even harder.”   By this time there were so many kids screaming in line, she just jumped off his lap but he asked her in a VERY seductive manner, “And what would YOU like for Christmas?”  


By this time we were spellbound.   This story was getting REALLY good.    “Are you ready?” Patrice asked and leaned over and whispered in Santa’s ear,  “I want YOU inside my chimney,”  OMG!   We were laughing so hard people in the mall must have thought we were drunk on Orange Julius.


“So … then what?” I asked, feeling some wetness now between my own thighs.  “Nothing!   That was it!   She just ran off with him laughing.  I think he might have asked for her phone number but she didn’t give it to him. “   We all knew Patrice was a total tease who never “delivered” so the ending to the story made sense.  But there was a big difference between Patrice and me.  I was a damn good tease too, but I REALLY delivered.  And right then and there, I stared at that Santa Claus, thinking, “I’ve never fucked a Santa.  This could be AMAZINGLY HOT!”


I went home that night and masturbated like crazy, imagining Santa ramming his cock into my pussy until he came so hard it made him too weak in the knees to make it down anyone else’s chimney.   But fantasy was one thing.   This is something I wanted to make REAL.


Early the nest evening, alone, I returned to the mall, and there he was again.    I really needed that seasonal job but I couldn’t get him and his jingle balls out of my mind.  Then, as if by magic, it happened.  At the long end of the line, what did I see but a sign saying, “Elves Wanted:  Apply today at closing time.”


If the abbreviation OMG existed back then, I would have shouted it out loud.   The elves of course were the perky teens helping get the kids onto Santa’s lap for the “big picture.”   I knew that if I could snare one of those jobs, I was one step closer to my goal: fucking Santa Claus.  (It actually has a pretty nice ring to it, don’t you think?”)


So I hung around the mall until 9 PM, and when the line wound down and they started closing up, I approached the “head elf”, a girl probably about 17, and asked if I could apply to be an elf.   She looked me over from top to bottom, obviously a bit surprised that someone “older” (19) would want the job … not to mention I have to admit I was pretty hot even at that age … played a lot of tennis and was in terrific shape …. legs TO DIE FOR.   “You know it pays minimum wage, right?  And you know we work in four-hour shifts with an hour break and then another four.   And you know frankly what a pain in the ass it is to handle these kids.”   “I know ALL of that, “ I said.  “But I want him, I mean IT … I mean, THE JOB.  I really need the money.”


She obviously thought I had lost my mind.  I should have been working in a jewelry store or in some fashion boutique, but I wanted to be “an elf”?   Of course she had no idea of my real motive, so to my absolute thrill, she said, “Okay, you start tomorrow.   Pick up an outfit over there and we’ll see you at noon.”  


It was only then that I realized that “Santa” hadn’t left yet.  He had been standing nearby himself, removing some of his Santa garb as the mall hadn’t closed, and WOW, he was DEFINITELY no bowl full of jelly.   How this hot trim guy probably in his thirties got that Santa job I had no idea, but I got totally wet imagining how I was going to pull this off.


You have to understand, the more complex planning that goes into a great fuck, the more I absolutely LOVE it.  And the more I get off on it.  (A couple years later I fucked the Easter Bunny and thought I really did have my brains fucked out … but more about that around Easter.)


So here I am, the next day, dressed in my cute little green elf outfit when “Santa” walks in, all dressed and “ready to go.”  “Good morning ladies,” he said.  “Are we ready to go through another day of “naughty or nice?”  Boy, if he ever knew how true that statement would later become.


The job, I admit, really was hell.   First there was the kid that threw up over all of us.  Then the one who pulled on Santa’s beard so hard the glue pulled away and we had gasps from every kid in line.  “You mean he’s not REAL?”   “Oh please,” I thought.  “Parents, just give the kid cash and don’t put him through this insanity.”


But THEN came my first opportunity to be alone with HIM.   It was the lunch break.  And while the other elves ran off to the stupid corn dog place, I asked Santa if he wanted to join me for a glass of wine.  At first he stared at me in disbelief, “How old are you?”  “19”,  I said. “Legal … in EVERY way.”   He DEFINITELY caught my drift and the two of us, still in our ridiculous outfits, sat in the corner of a nicer mall restaurant, had lunch and “talked shop”.


Now I know this is trite.  And I know it’s not the most creative idea in the world, but shit I was only 19, and my goal at lunch was one thing:   not to fuck him there, that would be impossible.  But to get him COMPLETELY fired up for a MLFS (major league fuck session) at closing time.  So I told him I needed to use the rest room, got up and “accidentally” spilled my wine all over his … well … “wooded area”.  “OH MY GOSH I AM SO SORRY, “ I said in a tone of pure fakery. “LET ME HELP.”  


I pulled several napkins from the table and, yes, I really did this.  I rubbed his crotch to “dry him off.”   No one in the restaurant could really see what was going on as my hands were below the table, but my “touch” was definitely having the desired effect.  In fact, it was all I could do at that very moment not to drop to my knees and give Santa the blowjob of a lifetime.   But THAT I knew was too risky.  If we were spotted, Santa would probably be arrested.  But Santa DEFINITELY “got the point” and as we headed back to work, he quietly said to me, “Listen, after we’re done tonight, I have … a few gifts of my own for you … IF of course you’d care to come pick them up.  I ALWAYS try to treat my elves well during the holidays.”


HALLELULAH!!!!!   I could barely hold back my enthusiasm.   In fact, my green tights were becoming so wet I had to walk back to Santa’s “mall workshop” area with my legs crossed.   Have you ever tried walking in heels with your legs crossed?  Trust me, it’s not easy.

So the afternoon went by SO FUCKING SLOWLY I thought I would die.  I don’t think I ever looked at the clock so frequently.  But FINALLY the clock struck 9, and it was time to close up shop.


The other elves took off like bankers at 5 but I casually “stayed back”, SO DAMN EXCITED to see what Santa had in store for me, I could barely contain myself.

He removed his costume and beard and just wore a pair of jeans and a very tight, sexy shirt.  I started to head to the restroom to get out of my elf outfit when he suddenly stopped me with a grin, “No, leave it on … if you don’t mind.”


Oh My God, I thought.  Santa wants to fuck an elf!  And there’s no elf that wants it more than me!!!!!!


We walked outside to what was now a pretty empty mall lot toward a single car … no, not a sleigh.  He was driving a pick-up.   What can I say?  I didn’t give a shit if he was driving a bicycle at this point.   Without saying a word, he just opened the passenger car door, smiled, and jumped in.  (I know, I know, naïve and foolish.  But that was then, this is now.)


It was a short drive to a very nice condo complex near the mall.  We got out, walked to a door, and when he put in his key, said, “Close your eyes.”   “Holy shit,” I thought to myself.  “Now we’re adding some suspense and mystery to this whole deal.”  


I closed my eyes, he closed the door behind us and he led me by the hand down a hallway and sat me down on what I knew was a bed … a BIG bed.   He told me to continue to close my eyes and I heard him doing something, like taking off some clothes, putting them on ….whatever, I couldn’t tell.  


Then, it happened.  And heaven forbid he’s reading this and he ever told anyone about this, but here goes.  He told me to open my eyes.  And there he stood.  Once again in his entire Santa Claus outfit, but THIS TIME, with a cock sticking out of his red velvet pants like the biggest fucking candy cane I had ever seen.  And DAMN did I ever want to lick it. 


“It’s all yours,” he said.  “I COULD NOT FUCKING BELIEVE THIS!!!”   I literally dove for that cock, teasing the tip first, nibbling on those jingle balls, then suddenly realizing, IT TASTED LIKE PEPPERMINT!   He laughed so hard when he knew I recognized the taste that it really WAS like sucking off Santa Claus!  He had used peppermint lube!


Okay, now as you might imagine, by this time this fucking little elf is DRIPPING FUCKING WET.   He pushed me back on the bed and literally tore … and I mean TORE that elf outfit off me.   And he took that “candy cane” and teased my pussy like he was NEVER going to let it move down my chimney.   But then, just as I was ready to experience what I could only think of as the ULTIMATE fantasy fuck,  it suddenly hit me like a snowball:   I was not on the pill!  Or any kind of birth control!   HOLY SHIT!   What if he came inside me?  What if I had one of Santa’s “kids”?  What would the kid look like?  Would it come out with a beard?  Would it look like an elf?  With the pointy ears and the whole deal?   Would that make me “Mrs. Claus”?  And damn, how did I know Santa hadn’t been fucking his elves for years?  Heaven only knows what kind of STD’s he was carrying under that red velvet.  


But just as I was totally torn between the height of desire and fear, as if by sheer Christmas magic, I heard that “famous sound” … of a condom being unwrapped.  I looked up and there he was, sliding that jacket over his cane like it was a candy wrapper.  He looked at me with the most mischievous smile and laughed, “Come on … did you honestly think Santa didn’t know how to be naughty AND nice?”


And so it began: the cock tease of my young lifetime.  He moved that thing around like a joystick on a video game. Back and forth, circling around and around, every which way but in until I literally SCREAMED, “FUCK ME SANTA, FUCK ME!!!  NOW!!!”   And he JAMMED that cane into me with such force I thought this elf’s eyeballs were going to pop out of their sockets.  That candy cane felt like the fucking North Pole!  In and out.  In and out.  Faster.  Slower.  AGAIN in and out.   I literally must have had more orgasms than lights on a Christmas tree.  Shit, I FELT like a damn Christmas tree … on fire!


Then, without any warning whatsoever, he dropped to his knees and HOLY SHIT, he licked every bit of candy taste off my soaking wet pussy until I came and came and came and came and came LOUD!   I mean, I hope to heaven those apartment walls were thick, because otherwise some neighbor was hearing one hellluva show, “FUCK ME SANTA!  GIVE ME THAT CANDY CANE!  YON DONNER AND BLITZEN!   (I couldn’t believe I actually remembered any reindeer names at that moment but I did.)


Then ….oh my god I was a 19 year old dish rag ….he flipped me over and “Santa the Doggie” went to work, or Santa the Reindeer, what the hell, you get the idea.  Then he dropped to the bed and I rode Santa Claus like a bareback reindeer rider!    Looking down at his red, sweaty face and beard now so wet it was falling off his face ….what can I say, this was Santa Claus at his all time CARNAL BEST!  I was sweating so much I felt like an elf in the elf dorm swimming pool.  All I could think was, “Patrice has NO IDEA what she missed!!!!   Teasing is great, but there’s NOTHING like the real thing!.


I could tell that Santa’s cane was about to explode at any moment and I blurted out, “How the hell does Santa Claus cum?”   He didn’t have to say a word but flipped me over again and RAMMED that cock inside of me missionary-style (or maybe I should say more like a turkey baster?).   He pumped and pumped and pumped until I knew he was ready to let it all go.  He pulled out and ripped that condom off just in time to gush an UNBELIEVALBE LOAD all over my stomach, tits, face, hair, mouth, lips …. unfucking believable … it was like Santa had no blood in his veins just all cum!


I just lay there laughing so hard I thought I was going to die.  Even his CUM tasted like peppermint!   At the ripe old age of 19, I could imagine the newspaper headline, “Santa’s Elf from Mall found dead with a smile on her face in Santa’s North Pole Condo.” 




We laid on the bed together, sweaty and TOTALLY exhausted.   I had done it.  I ACTUALLY FUCKED SANTA CLAUS.   One small step for man, a GIANT LEAP FOR DOLLY!


I literally could have laid there all night and probably taken another fucking every hour on the hour, but I knew my parents expected me home.  So “obedient” girl that  I was, I began to get dressed.   But as I did, Santa walked away for a moment and came out with a beautifully wrapped gift.  “For me?”  I couldn’t believe it and slowly opened the box.  It was heavy and it rattled as I shook it.  (I always do that with presents, trying to guess what’s inside before I open it … I know, it drives people crazy.)  “Just a few toys to remember me by … for times of the year ‘other’ than Christmas”, he said.


All I can say is I opened the box to see the most amazing sex toys I’d ever imagined.  I mean, I had no idea what to even do with some of them.  Sure there were vibrators, sure there were dildos.  But there were curved shape things with little appendages and an assortment of all kinds of stuff of every shape, size and color that looked like they should be, well, put inside of me some way or another.


Santa could tell I was both amused and confused.  “I’m not even going to tell you how to use them.  Just experiment for yourself and have a terrific time.  And every time you do, just think of Jolly ol St. Nick.” I was dumbfounded, and wrapping up my “toy box” I headed for the door, my elf legs literally wobbling.


“I don’t know what to say,” I said.  “Except maybe … now I really do believe in Santa Claus?”


With that, he slapped me in the butt and drove me back to my car.  We exchanged a bone-crushing deep kiss in his pick-up, I got into my car and he headed off into the mall lot moonlight.   For an instant, I remembered the image from storybooks of seeing “Santa riding through the sky, away out of sight.”  That was the feeling I had.


I headed home … looking at my toy box beside me … wondering how the hell I was ever going to hide it from my parents.   But I did figure out a way.  And I can honestly say that I still have those toys even today.  And I really do still use them.  And every time, I think and fantasize about the night I really did fuck Santa Claus.  



Purely fictional fantasy for your reading pleasure!

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